I’ve always wondered if the fear of public speaking is the most common fear people have. In my experience, fear of the unknown heads the list. I can be philosophical and say that we are constantly faced with tolerating the unknown because we can’t predict the future even when the future is 30 minutes out. We’re able to suppress that reality well enough until our foundation is tampered with.

Divorce tampers with our foundation. Our foundation consists of all that is familiar – our home, our family, our pets, our routines, how we see ourselves in our various roles. They give us a core sense of who we are and act as a counterweight to the unknown. We may not know what the stock market will do in three days or what we are going to eat for dinner but we do know that our bed will be in the same room, in the same home, on the same street as it was three days, weeks or years prior. That imparts comfort. When we’re comfortable we are able to tolerate the unknown better.

Divorce requires that you find comfort from new sources. Those sources will vary widely depending upon the person. They include, for example, religious practices and communities, non-religious spiritual practices, new routines and habits, 12-step communities, and therapy groups. They key to their effectiveness is their repetition and their ability to take your out of yourself in a positive way.  Doing any one of these things once or twice will not provide you with the comfort baseline you need. You get out what you put in.