The moment of truth came when Mike knew sleeping in the den wasn’t a long term solution; he had to move out, he wanted to move out of the marital home. As mentioned in other posts, the divorce process affects your thinking — it can be hard to thinking clearly or to consider various factors when deciding where to live. Here are the common mistakes make when selecting a new residence:
1. Oftentimes money or the fear of not having enough money is the driving force when selecting a new home. Men make the mistake of taking a low cost place that doesn’t reflect their lifestyle or sense of self. Bad idea. A dumpy place is a surefire way to demoralize you and cost you more money in the long run because you will say yes to the richest of settlements for your ex just to get out of the place.
2. Don’t consider the logistics. It looked good online, you needed a place fast, so you took it. Oops. It adds another 30-minutes to your commute. Your kids can’t get their unless someone drives them. There’s alternate side of the street parking and no garage. Don’t add more stress to your life at this point. Draw a circle of a proscribed distance from your workplace and other important locations you frequent often and select your home within that area.
3. Think it’s only for a short time. It’s much easier to stay in place once you’ve moved. You’ll have plenty of other things changing in your life and won’t want to add changing your residence a second time. Chances are you may move once the divorce is well behind you, you know your financial situation and your life needs, but for now, think about this as your home. Therefore be discerning in your choice. Have a trusted friend or professional help you decide on your residence.
4. Move in with someone you don’t know that well. You want to get as much stability in your life as you can. You also want to keep your things to do under control as your divorce will add plenty to that list. So, getting to know someone and adapting to their habits adds more stress. It’s fine to move in short term with a family member you have good relationship with AND you’ll have space that is just yours – preferably a bathroom of your own. This can be restorative: you won’t be alone at night, you’ll have someone to eat with, and someone you can be yourself with. For most it’s a six-month stint. At that point, you’re grounded enough to want to get your place.
5. Move in with a girlfriend or not yet girlfriend. This presents both psychological and possible legal challenges as you are now co-habiting with another woman. Hormones and a wish for comfort can be costly. Depending on your relationship with her, she may be deposed, have her finances scrutinized, be the victim of unwanted attention from your to-be ex-wife, etc. She may also serve to distract you from the legal matters you need to carefully attend to and fan the flames of emotion clouding your judgement or adding confusion to the mix.